Dear Pope Francis, I'm really confused....

Dear Pope Francis, I’m really confused.

Because I read the very same day in the news

That pedophile priests are beyond Vatican controls

While the Curia again raked American nuns over the coals.

With abusive priests they claim their arms only reach the Vatican wall

But with the American nuns, suddenly across the ocean, those same arms can sprawl?

For predator priests the Curia says they must respect the law for each land.

Shouldn’t they do likewise when American nuns’ Constitutional liberties are at hand?

Maybe like the game my kids used to play,

They simply think that it’s “Happy Opposite Day?”

Because in my land, the land of the nuns in question

Free-speaking women are no problem, but sexually abusive priests deserve incarceration.

The pedophile priests are only part of the problem.

The Vatican ignores bishops shuffling predators round-robin.

Then pretend the problem disappeared and any worry is for naught

Until we pick up the paper and read “whoops, another one got caught…”

Money is hidden; bankruptcies are filed.

Bishops evade accountability while victims are reviled.

And the person who appoints every bishop … pssst…. That’s you

In my culture is considered somewhat responsible too

Popes appoint all bishops who ordain every single priest.

They have censured some people quickly for supporting certain causes, even in the least.

But with abusive priests they claim by their own admission

They lack extra-Vatican authority, or is that just an excuse for sins of omission?

This selective impotency when it comes to abused kids

Has really put the whole church’s reputation on the skids.

And, I know by laypeople it’s been repeatedly stated

That the hierarchy’s credibility by its own actions has been negated.

If you claim national borders prevent you from stopping predator priests

Because you think they operate as independent disconnected uncontrollable beasts

Then kindly refrain from the obvious hypocrisy

Of trying to control independent nuns you accuse of apostasy.

Either you control the worldwide church or not

But please stop with this morally relativistic rot.

If you can’t control the priests then you don’t control nuns. 

If you want to control your daughters, please, first control your felonious, abusive sons.

The Curia speaks of dialogue but issues edicts instead.

This also is confusing from the guys wearing red.

I realize the bishops approve the sisters’ communities’ existence or not

But after that, the community makes most of the decisions, I thought.

The sisters elect leaders and vote on community members and rules.

A bishop just listens to them take poverty vows while dressed in his mitre and jewels.

I’m trying to understand why the CDF is so frustrated.

Maybe realizing their powers’ limitations leaves them feeling somewhat castrated?

Or do they covet the sisters’ hospitals and schools

Thereby inspiring them to impose overbearing rules?

Perhaps there’s a culture gap emerging from language skill

After all, that last Mass translation exposed their English abilities as being almost nil  

Yet, the priorities are apparent to most people with children

Thumbs up for strong sisters; thumbs down for negligent churchmen

'Twas the Night Before Pentecost

'Twas the night before Pentecost when all through the church

Not a bishop stirred from his cathedral perch.

The reformers were hung out to dry in the air

In hopes they’d just leave in disgust or despair.

The obedient were nestled all snug in their pew

While visions of salvation grew and grew.

And the nuns in their civvies and the pope in his hat

Had just settled nothing so continued their spat.

When out in the world there arose such a clatter

I put down my rosary to see what was the matter.

Away to the newsfeeds I flew like a flash,

Tore open my browser after clearing the cache.

The loon on the cast of the talking head show

Gave the luster of sin to the pelvis and below.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear

But a miniature concern whipped into fear.

With little resemblance to facts or truth

I knew in a moment that it was uncouth.

More rapid than emails God’s Spirit, it came

But the hierarchy said, “This is something to tame.”

"Now bash her, that cancer! Now answer, you vixen!

On dogma, you’re stupid!  We’re fonder of Nixon!"

"You can stop at the kitchen, or clean the church hall!

Now dash away, dash away, dash away all!"

"As dry heaves that before wild vomiting hurl,

We’d rather close churches than follow a girl!"

So up to the altar the clerics they flew

With glittering vestments and an empty pew.

And then in a twinkling we heard in the news

The dancing and stalling of episcopal crews.

As we knew in our heads clergy abuses abound

Down came their credibility crashing to the ground.

They were dressed all in silk from their heads to their toes

But their words could have won them Pinocchio’s nose.

A bundle of social doctrine they’d thrown out in the back

And acted like Vatican II was written by a quack.

Their chasubles, how they twinkled! Their preaching, how scary!

Their chalices, how golden!  But of women, they’re wary.

Their droll little quips about women are failin’

Except with Republicans or perhaps Sarah Palin.

A stump of dated biology they hold tight in their mind

Creating smokescreens of canons that restrict and confine. 

They have a broad set of rules that seem rather silly

But adhere to them all somewhat willy-nilly.

Some are chubby and plump; Some are jolly; some have wealth

But their culture is imbued with oodles of stealth.

A wink of their eyes and a twist of some facts

Without recourse they can give some people the axe.

But the Spirit speaks not a word just goes straight to its work

Filling the people – even if outside the pews they lurk.

And laying a foundation aligned with Christ’s actions

Gives a disapproving nod, then decries all the factions.

It works night and day, to its “peeps” giving a whistle

And we are all called as stated in Paul’s epistle.

But I heard the Spirit exclaim though it’s always out of sight,

"Happy Pentecost to all and may you all be guided right."

*****************************************
A parody of Clement C. Moore's poem, "The Night Before Christmas"

Motherly advice for the bishops

1.  Very late on May 4^th police arrested Worcester’s Bishop Robert J. McManus because he failed 3 sobriety tests administered after he hit a car and left the scene.  May 6^th, McManus publicly apologized saying, “I made a terrible error in judgment by driving after having consumed alcohol with dinner.  There is no excuse for the mistake I made, only a commitment to make amends and accept the consequences of my action.”  Ahhhh, a bishop behaving like I expect my kids to behave – fantastic!

However, the very next day the bishop seemed to have changed his mind about accepting the consequences of his actions because he pled “not guilty” to charges of drunk driving and leaving the scene.  Reporters questioned the bishop about the shift but his attorney, a prominent trial lawyer and former legislator, said he had instructed the bishop to not comment.   

Eventually the bishop just said, “My comments made yesterday stand.”  If one is taking responsibility for one’s actions, why “lawyer up” not only at all but with one of the biggest trial lawyers in the state?  Why plead “not guilty?”      

2.  Last week reports surfaced that Archbishop John J. Myers of Newark, NJ permitted a priest to be alone with children despite being bound by a legal agreement to not be alone with children due to previously groping a 13-year-old boy.  This week the same Archbishop is accused of ignoring child sexual abuse allegations when he was the bishop of Peoria, IL.  In each case, the comment was “no comment” because the respective dioceses and bishop prefer to speak through their lawyers.

Are you seeing an interesting pattern here?  That’s right.  Both bishops have the middle initial of “J.” 

3.  Our cub-pope Frankie recently told his staff to take “decisive action” when it comes to clerical child sexual abuse situations because it was important to the church’s credibility.  Yet, Bishop Robert W. Finn of Kansas City, convicted in 2012 for failure to report to police that one of his priests was taking pornographic photos of little girls, remains a bishop as does Archbishop Myers.  Well, choosing to not hold bishops accountable is in fact a decision and therefore Frank was “decisive”.  He just didn’t happen to make the decision I would make nor one that protects children or holds bishops accountable. 

4.  Archbishop Robert Zollitsch, president of Germany’s Catholic bishop conference recently suggested opening the diaconate to women.  However, within days of that, Robert Eberle, the spin doctor, I mean spokesperson, for the German bishops’ conference explained that Bishop Bob actually meant some sort of non-ordained leadership role for women.  Evidently Bishop Bob, though an archbishop and official voice of the church, is not capable of speaking for himself. 

Are you seeing the same trend I’m seeing this time?  Yes, that’s right.  Men named “Robert” seem to be in the news lately.

But wait! There’s more:

5.  Last Sunday when meeting with the Superiors General from women’s religious orders, Cardinal Joao Braz de Aviz, Prefect of the Congregation for Institutes of Consecrated Life said he was omitted from the process in which the U.S. nuns were investigated and sanctioned.  He said this pained him greatly.  However, a few days after that, someone from the Vatican, probably named “Robert”, said that Cardinal Joao was mistaken…that the good Cardinal was in fact fully involved in the process.  But, Cardinal Joao, evidently having the audacity to think he might know better what he experienced than some anonymous Vatican person, told reporters that he actually meant what he said.

6.  Cardinal Timothy M. Dolan who paid-off pedophile priests when he was bishop of Milwaukee recently said that homosexuals are welcome at the church’s table as long as they wash their hands, referring to cleansing themselves from what he considers sins associated with their sexual orientation.  In protest a small group of people dirtied their hands and tried to attend Mass at the Cardinal’s New York cathedral.  But, they were denied access and actually encountered the police whom church leaders had summoned to shoo them away. 

Evidently dirty hands are only permitted to consecrate the host not receive it.  And yes, I know you’re thinking like me…  “Where is Bob in all this?”

7.  This week Cardinal Sean P. O’Malley said he will not attend Boston College’s graduation on May 20th because he doesn’t agree with some of the invited commencement speaker’s political views.  Enda Kenny, Ireland’s Prime Minister who supports abortion in the case of saving a mother’s life is the speaker.  Following the “nay-nee-nay-nee-boo-boo” example of his hero Jesus, the Cardinal is opting to stay home rather than sit at table with those he considers sinners.  I’m sure there is a “Bob” behind this somewhere too.

The church’s hierarchy teaches that they best imitate Jesus, so much so that they claim to be ultimate guardians of truth and downright infallible at times.  However, aside from the whole “Bob” first name and “J” middle initial trends, there seem to be a few more disturbing trends in play. 

On one hand laypeople are labeled as too removed from Jesus (or possibly too ignorant) to know gospel truths without their bishops’ pastoral guidance.  But on the other hand many bishops’ behavior greatly deviates from gospel messages, sometimes to the point that bishops speak through lay attorneys who are helping them avoid accountability.  Instead of following gospel values when they deviate from the gospel, they deviate even further from it by trying to sidestep responsibility. Furthermore, bishops who do speak aligned with gospel messages increasingly seem to have laypeople trying to explain their words away.       

I know bishops claim they are parents though they have no children.  But, in honor of Mothers’ Day, I thought I’d offer some parenting tips being as I am actually a parent:

1.  Bob McManus, ditch the lawyer and revert to “Plan A”…tell the truth and take responsibility.  Short of that, you’re not an example.  A personal apology to the person whose car you hit might be a boon too.

2.  J.J. Myers, please resign.  Please also visit every person impacted by the priests and spend time learning about the pain inflicted by your decisions.

3.  Frankie, your actions speak louder than your words.  If bishops Bob and John don’t resign taking responsibility for their actions, a good father would insist that they do.  Thus, it’s time to fire them as bishops.  Short of that, Frank, you have no credibility about protecting kids.  Your admonitions about protecting kids in or out of the womb fall on deaf ears. 

4.  Bob Zollitsch, put on your big-boy pants and tell Bob-the-spin-doctor to stop speaking on your behalf.  Cardinal Joao did an admirable job of this.  Perhaps contact him to take lessons on speaking for one’s self.

5.  The anonymous spokesperson for the Vatican should take responsibility and identify his or herself.  Utterances from unnamed people just don’t carry credibility. 

6.  Tim, it’s time to re-read the gospels.  Jesus welcomed tax collectors and sinners without judgment and hung out with highly flawed people.  If you read the gospels, you will see that any forgiveness that Jesus administered to people was after he ministered amongst them and was not done in a domineering fashion…because – and again this will require you reading the gospels – Jesus told his apostles not to lord it over others.  Please write 1,000 times each, “I will not lord it over others” and “Judge not lest ye be judged” after you write a personal apology and hand-deliver it to each of the people you turned away from the cathedral.

7.  Sean, a real father wouldn’t miss his kids’ graduation for love nor money.  Furthermore, Enda Kenny isn’t speaking about abortion.  Even if he is, he’s not one of your sheep so it’s not your place to correct him.  If you truly think he’s a dangerous wolf visiting your sheepfold, a good shepherd will stand by his sheep to ensure their safety.  You are pulling a sorry childish stunt abandoning your sheep.  Get your carcass to Boston College for your kids’ graduation or don't think for one minute you are a father.  But first, please apologize to your children for your threatened negligence of them due to your judgmental pig-headedness towards Enda.  Then, apologize to Enda.  Finally, please see the guidance given to Cardinal Tim.   

This actual mother wishes all the men who think they are Holy Mother Church's voice, a very lovely Mothers' Day. 

Editorial Note: My bad - I originally wrote this article thinking that Boston College's graduation ceremonies took place this past Saturday.  However, they are not until Monday, May 20th so I've reworded the article.  There's still time, Sean - just like for Ebeneezer waking up on Christmas Day in "A Christmas Carol."