When it was first published, I submitted responses via a
U.K. site to the Vatican survey, “The Pastoral Challenges of the Family in the
Context of Evangelization.” However,
this survey is also available in some U.S. diocese’s including mine. So, today I submitted responses to my diocese. Here are my responses. This is a long article because this is a long
survey.
1. The Diffusion of the Teachings on the Family in Sacred
Scripture and the Church’s Magisterium
a: Describe how the
Catholic Church's teachings on the value of the family contained in the Bible,
Gaudium et Spes, Familiaris Consortio and other documents of the post-conciliar
Magisterium is understood by people today? What formation is given to our
people on the Church's teaching on family life?
It does not matter amongst many people what is taught
because the hierarchy has lost its moral authority due to the enabling of
priests who rape children, clergy who are unmarried and lack any primary
experience in family life, clergy aligning with the American Republican Party,
and an overall tone of sexism, misogyny and homophobia (ironically amongst a
group of men that includes many active homosexuals). Thus the hierarchy and its teachings are
considered irrelevant by many, many people.
There are the small minority who are the pious and
especially the pious plutocrats belonging to groups like Familia (Legion of
Christ), Opus Dei, Communion and Liberation, Neo-Catechumenal Way, Legatus,
etc... who take a very literal view of the creation story ignoring Pius XII's
teachings in Divino Afflante Spiritu and who tend to readily comply
with whatever emerges from a clergyman's mouth no matter how absurd. However, whether or not even they “understand”
it is another story because quite honestly, in light of primary experience and
awareness of human physical, sexual and psychological development, some of what
is taught is incomprehensible. It relies
upon the flawed foundation of Aquinas based upon Aristotle's incorrect
understandings about human biology and psychology.
If one assumes a medieval understanding of humanity, then
perhaps it can be understood. But the
internet makes it difficult to keep people as ignorant as in the Middle Ages.
b: In those cases
where the Church's teaching is known, is it accepted fully or are there
difficulties in putting it into practice? If so, what are they?
Based upon observing the average family size, I would say
that the teachings on birth control are largely ignored. It is not a matter of
difficulty putting it into practice; it is just soundly rejected as being
invalid by most people. I think the last
count was something like 97% of Catholic women in the US use artificial birth
control.
Teachings with regards to homosexuality cause damage. A very close family member who is homosexual
once explained the church's teaching in this way. She said, “I knew since I was a kid that sin
was separation from God. I also knew
that God made me this way. So, I reached
a point where I said, if sin is separation from a God so cruel as to make me
despised, then I think I'm ok with that.”
The family attended her wedding this summer to her partner
of 20+ years. They have raised a
beautiful daughter together. Their
nuclear family is more solid than that of many hetero couples. Their actions align more with the gospels’
instructions to care for the poor than that of many pious people. I like their chances of getting into heaven
better than those of many ordained clergy.
The sexist stereotypes for gender roles are just so flawed
that they are ignored by most.
Many people leave the church due to feeling cast out after
already suffering the tragic heartbreak of a broken marriage.
I think the church would do better to educate and empower
women instead of this retro attempt to re-enslave them. The church hierarchy teaches that the primary
purpose of a female is to bear children and then is surprised that there is
imbalanced focus on women's sexuality...surprised that there are tons of
children born to women out of wedlock.
The church hierarchy teaches women they are incomplete without a man and
then is surprised that girls hastily rush into sexual activity.
c: How widespread is
the Church's teaching in pastoral programmes at the national, diocesan and
parish levels? What catechesis is done on the family?
The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) has a web
page to promote family but most Catholics don't know the USCCB exists. Most Catholics do not have any affiliation
with the church anymore and of those who do, very few know or care what the
church teaches about family. The
materials provided are unrealistic about married life and promote gender
stereotypes.
The level to which individual pastors cover this catechesis
varies but most are wise enough not to chart into waters where they are
unqualified to sail. Those silly enough
to head there just inspire more people to leave the church.
The hierarchy seems to have an incorrect assumption that
people aren't following doctrine because they don't know it. I think many people are aware of church
teachings and just see it as contrary to the gospels. I know this is the reason many of my
children's contemporaries left the church – that of course combined with the
hypocrisy of the hierarchy lying about protecting rapists.
d: To what extent —
and what aspects in particular — is this teaching actually known, accepted,
rejected and/or criticized in areas outside the Church? What are the cultural
factors which hinder the full reception of the Church’s teaching on the family?
The church hierarchy is not seen as a light to the
nations. It is seen as homophobic,
sexist, misogynist, antiquated, pre-occupied with protecting financial assets
and image, and aligning too closely with oppressors rather than the
oppressed. Indeed the church is seen as
oppressor in the US, especially with the Catholic hospitals forcing their
ideology upon non-Catholic employees and patients.
I think the biggest thing hindering reception of the
church's teaching on anything is that a day does not go by that another
clergyman isn't caught lying, abusing, enabling abuse, etc... These aren’t just restricted to topics
pertaining to sexual assaults of minors.
They do have a common thread of demonstrating a willingness to sacrifice
truth to protect traditions and clerical culture. The church hierarchy cannot profess to be
guardians of the truth when they so freely and comfortably deviate from telling
it. “And why do you break the
commandment of God for the sake of your tradition?” (MT 15:3)
2. Marriage according to the Natural Law
a: What place does the idea of
the natural law have in the cultural areas of society: in institutions,
education, academic circles and among the people at large? What anthropological
ideas underlie the discussion on the natural basis of the family?
None. The whole "natural
law" teaching is based upon Aristotle's flawed understanding of human
biology, reproduction, sexuality and psychology.
b: Is the idea of the natural
law in the union between a man and a woman commonly accepted as such by the
baptized in general?
No
c: How is the theory and
practice of natural law in the union between man and woman challenged in light
of the formation of a family? How is it proposed and developed in civil and
Church institutions?
Facts...factual understanding about human biology, reproduction, sexuality
and psychology are the biggest challenges to the church's teachings which are
based upon false premises dating from Aristotle's time.
Justice - justice via human rights and not bullying others also
confounds the hierarchy's efforts to promote teachings based upon Aristotle's
flawed premises.
d: In cases where non-practicing
Catholics or declared non-believers request the celebration of marriage,
describe how this pastoral challenge is dealt with?
Usually badly in a very unchristian manner and with a high degree of
condescending arrogance
but this is the case for practicing Catholics seeking marriage often as
well.
3. The Pastoral Care of the Family in Evangelization
a: What experiences have emerged
in recent decades regarding marriage preparation? What efforts are there to stimulate
the task of evangelization of the couple and of the family? How can an
awareness of the family as the "domestic Church" be promoted?
Marriage preparation in many parishes is a joke. In one parish to which I belonged, an
alcoholic priest with very abusive behaviors insisted that he be the sole
person to instruct couples in marriage preparation. But compared to the guy who replaced him,
that guy was warm and effective. The
second pastor didn’t return phone calls or other attempts at communication. He pretty much only talked to people whom he
"liked" and the rest he happily told to go find another parish or
another religion. His stated motto is
"the people need me more than I need the people." If you approach the diocese for assistance
getting the pastor to respond, you possibly get a reply but nothing that
inspires the pastor to actually be pastoral or do his job. Somehow, neither of these men comes across as
authorities on family.
Legion of Christ came to the parish via the Lay Apostolate "Familia"
and subsequently bullied lots of people out of ministry and/or the parish. The last several weekends you could have
driven a bus down the middle of the pews on either side the attendance at Mass
was so sparse.
To evangelize (word meaning "to bring message of good news")
one must be seen as having good news to tell.
Clericalism, criminal sexual assault of minors and its enablement and
cover-up, bullying, sexism, misogyny, homophobia, etc... are not seen as good
news. If you don’t have good news to tell,
how can you evangelize anyone? Yet,
those are the things the hierarchy trumpets regularly.
b: How successful have you been
in proposing a manner of praying within the family which can withstand life’s
complexities and today’s culture?
Very successful. I am the
primary educator of my children in their faith.
They are all grown and in their 20s, attending weekly if not daily Mass,
working in ad intra and ad extra ministries.
They are champions of social justice and advocate for the marginalized. They speak truth to power.
I kept them away from superficial Jesus rah-rah pep rallies, spoke
sincerely to them without using the hierarchy's favorite theological method of
"making shit up", allowed and encouraged them to question and taught
them the tireless patience required in ministering to under-developed clergy –
which is sadly the overwhelming majority of clergy these days.
c: In the current generational
crisis, how have Christian families been able to fulfil their vocation of
transmitting the faith?
I have no idea what the "current generational crisis"
is. But all my children have been or are
catechists after watching their mother share the faith for years in this
role. They set me up to write a blog so
that I could reach more people and provide encouragement during this time of
abysmal church leadership.
But, most people just give up trying to speak truth to power and walk
away. Yet somehow when I taught
Religious Education, I would get Catholic school kids to come to my
classes.
d: In what way have
the local Churches and movements on family spirituality been able to create
ways of acting which are exemplary?
The lay apostolates tend to espouse ignorance, reject critical thinking
and often use bullying tactics. Amongst
their little mutual admiration clubs they are seen as exemplary but outside of
that alternate reality they are usually seen as hypocritical, willfully
ignorant, judgmental, bullying, and aloof.
Their kids often struggle when interacting with the rest of the world
and as time passes, many have deep brokenness which they carry into
adulthood. I think this arises from
psychological scarring they experience from parents more intent on being
“right” and “perfect” than on humbly walking the journey with their kids. I think it also comes from sheltered isolation,
painting the world God created as “evil” and trying to infuse a sense of their
moral superiority over the rest of the world.
These kids seem to struggle more than other kids with the cognitive
dissonance process which for most people fuels the maturation process.
It is quite interesting to have children from these families with
superiority complexes and teeming with ignorance try to dominate religious
education classes. It is also quite
interesting to have their parents excuse their disrespectful behavior because,
after all, the parents think they are better than you too. Oh, it's exemplary alright but usually of
"how not to raise a family."
e: What specific contribution can
couples and families make to spreading a credible and holistic idea of the
couple and the Christian family today?
Let's start by having real families rather than these “Stepford Wives”
type families contribute to creating the holistic ideas. The problem you have right now is the clergy
are rather clueless about family life but have made up a bunch of b.s. over the
centuries that is based upon romantic notions of sexist stereotypes. Then they turn to their flatterers for
"candid input" which conveniently looks just like what they already
said. Those with true candor are
marginalized or worse yet demonized. So,
if you want to be credible, stop already with the goose-stepping lay
apostolates and start talking to real people.
Have the humility to say "maybe we were wrong."
f: What pastoral care
has the Church provided in supporting couples in formation and couples in
crisis situations?
OK this question made me laugh aloud.
Pastors usually have one clinical counseling class and that is it. This combined with zero experience about
marriage make most of them ineffective at best.
Given that they have no more training than any other unlicensed
counselor - which is what they are - they do about as much good.
Let's see, my favorite recent story is about the priest in a
neighboring parish who mentioned a couple having marital problems by name
during one of his weekend homilies.
Not to worry though. The damage
is somewhat mitigated by the fact that it is often difficult if not impossible
to get a clergyman to respond during a crisis.
4. Pastoral Care in Certain Difficult Marital
Situations
a: Is cohabitation ad
experimentum a pastoral reality in your particular Church? Can you approximate
a percentage?
I can't tell you how much I love the Latin term for living together
before marriage. That just screams,
"we are out of touch" to a world that tweets in 128 character
messages.
Yes, it is a reality and I think it's a very high percentage.
What percentage of priests are in sexual relationship or regularly have
"celibacy lapses?" Why are you
less hung up about them and their sex lives than you are about the laity?
b: Do unions which are not
recognized either religiously or civilly exist? Are reliable statistics
available?
Is the pope Catholic? There
probably are statistics available but I do not have ready access to them.
c: Are separated couples and
those divorced and remarried a pastoral reality in your particular Church? Can
you approximate a percentage? How do you deal with this situation in
appropriate pastoral programmes?
What planet do the authors of this survey inhabit? I cannot approximate the percentage but it is
handled very poorly. The previously
mentioned alcoholic pastor with an abusive personality used to insist on
working with the people who filed annulments.
Women coming from abusive marriages don't feel that comfortable talking
to a guy but especially not to an abusive guy about their marital issues.
d: In all the above cases, how
do the baptized live in this irregular situation? Are they aware of it? Are
they simply indifferent? Do they feel marginalized or suffer from the
impossibility of receiving the sacraments?
Let's see...you call their situations "irregular" and ask if
they feel marginalized....let's mark that as a great big "yes!"
e: What questions do divorced
and remarried people pose to the Church concerning the Sacraments of the
Eucharist and of Reconciliation? Among those persons who find themselves in
these situations, how many ask for these sacraments?
Many just leave the church because they think if they are divorced they
are ineligible for sacramental care.
That is incorrect. They are free
to receive communion unless they remarry...that is unless they remarry and give
a care about the church's rules. Less and
less do.
Reconciliation has its regular emotionally needy people who as John of
the Cross said go there to excuse themselves rather than accuse
themselves. I used to go to
reconciliation regularly but the priests in my area are so clueless and arrogant
that I don't anymore. Also, I don't know
of a priest I'd trust right now to hear my confession. The last regular confessor I had tried to use
the sessions to manipulate me. Thus, he
abused the sacrament. And because of
this, I do not know when I will return to that sacrament again.
f: Could a simplification of
canonical practice in recognizing a declaration of nullity of the marriage bond
provide a positive contribution to solving the problems of the persons
involved? If yes, what form would it take?
Simplification can help many things.
For one thing, that question could use a healthy dose of
simplification. Canon law is a
joke. It is ignored at the whim of
bishops and it is enforced at the whim of bishops. Canon law is so focused on clergy it flies in
the face of the gospel. The whole code
needs revision but I have little hope that the same guys who wrote this
complicated question would be effective simplifying Canon Law.
I think most people who do not pursue an annulment just don't want the
hassle or expense. Marriage in the
church amongst this younger generation takes new turns. For example I attended the wedding of one of
my daughter's friends. It was at a
Protestant church. At the reception the
groom apologized to me for not being married in a Catholic church but the
Catholic clergy were inflexible. So they
got married in a Protestant church and just go to communion when they are at
Mass. And here's the real kicker. Neither were raised Catholic or have been
through RCIA. Through interactions with my
family, they just decided their beliefs aligned with the Catholic Church. So they decided they were Catholic and
started going to Mass and receiving communion...end of story. And when their kids are ready for communion,
they'll just start taking them. They
have side-stepped the rule book. It is
irrelevant to them. Using communion as a
coercive device is less and less relevant and thus less and less effective. Effective or not, it was never a Christian or
appropriate practice.
g: Does a ministry
exist to attend to these cases? Describe this pastoral ministry? Do such
programmes exist on the national and diocesan levels? How is God’s mercy
proclaimed to separated couples and those divorced and remarried and how does
the Church put into practice her support for them in their journey of faith?
Yes. Annulment process and
Diocesan Tribunal. The effectiveness
varies by parish and diocese.
5. On Unions of Persons of the Same Sex
a: Is there a law in your
country recognizing civil unions for people of the same-sex and equating it in
some way to marriage?
About 1/3 of U.S. citizens live in a jurisdiction that permits some
form of same sex marriage.
b: What is the attitude of the
local and particular Churches towards both the State as the promoter of civil
unions between persons of the same sex and the people involved in this type of
union?
That this is evil and that they bring about great destruction in
society. Some clergy say they love the
people in such unions but mostly the institution and the individuals are
demonized. Regardless, from talking to
people in same-sex unions, I think they find the, “We love you - you disordered
people you…” message lacks sincerity. I
think many if not most Catholics are tired of the hypocrisy from the
hierarchy. Why are people in loving
relationships banned from communion while men who raped children or who enabled
or covered-up those rapes not only permitted to receive communion but to
consecrate the hosts? In the case of the
bishops who enable and cover-up sexual abuses, why do they get to ordain other
ministers? It is fascinating that the
negative impact to the hierarchy’s credibility is so apparent to most and
eludes those in power and their fan club.
c: What pastoral attention can be
given to people who have chosen to live in these types of union?
Stop bullying them and stop denying their children care and
sacraments. This would be a wonderful
start.
What pastoral care do you give to gay priests who have sexual relations
or have steady "special friends?" They get to celebrate Mass and
consecrate hosts, last I checked. Seems
like the lay people should be able to come to Mass, have their children baptized,
etc.... But, then as previously
mentioned, the hierarchy seems perfectly at ease with the hands of rapists and
their enablers consecrating the host so maybe this logic escapes you.
It seems that the hierarchy prefers that priests who have sex (which
according to multiple reports is 50% or more of them) live double lives. I have heard from multiple clergy and former
clergy that the hierarchy encourages such men to live a lie...and then wonders
why it has no moral credibility as the primary purveyors and protectors of
"truth.”
d: In the case of unions of
persons of the same sex who have adopted children, what can be done pastorally
in light of transmitting the faith?
Exactly the same as you do for children of any other person.
6. The Education of Children in Irregular Marriages
a: What is the estimated
proportion of children and adolescents in these cases, as regards children who
are born and raised in regularly constituted families?
No idea
b: How do parents in these
situations approach the Church? What do they ask? Do they request the
sacraments only or do they also want catechesis and the general teaching of
religion?
Varies
c: How do the particular
Churches attempt to meet the needs of the parents of these children to provide
them with a Christian education?
Varies
d: What is the sacramental
practice in these cases: preparation, administration of the sacrament and the
accompaniment?
Why would it be different than for any other kid?
7. The Openness of the Married Couple to Life
a: What knowledge do Christians
have today of the teachings of Humanae vitae on responsible parenthood? Are
they aware of how morally to evaluate the different methods of family planning? Could any insights be suggested
in this regard pastorally?
People do not care. The birth
control debate is done for everyone except a bunch of men feigning celibacy
whom I suspect use condoms themselves given Pope Benedicts relaxation of condom
use by male homosexuals. Why not adopt
the recommendations of the Pontifical Council instead of perpetuating Humanae vitae?
b: Is this moral teaching
accepted? What aspects pose the most difficulties in a large majority of
couple’s accepting this teaching?
No.
People’s biggest difficulties with Humanae Vitae are that it was
written and promoted by single guys, many of whom are gay, who pretend not to have
sex and who do not have experience in healthy married sexual relations. However the fact that it is based upon dated
flawed understanding of human biology, sexuality and psychology also plays a
key role in invalidating it. Catholic
couples are able to reconcile the respectful care of the wife’s health with
welcoming new life into their union.
Perhaps the hierarchy’s lack of primary experience in this area prevents
them from understanding this.
c: What natural methods are
promoted by the particular Churches to help spouses put into practice the
teachings of Humanae vitae?
Don't know. Don't care.
Irrelevant
d: What is your experience on
this subject in the practice of the Sacrament of Penance and participation at
the Eucharist?
People use birth control rampantly, don't think it's a sin, don't go to
confession and go to communion anyway...at least those who stay in the
church. There is another set of people who
just leave the church. They are the
majority. Please keep in mind that the
catechism teaches that “the church” is “the people of God” most of whom do not
darken the threshold of ecclesial buildings anymore.
e: What differences are seen in
this regard between the Church’s teaching and civic education?
That civic education is based upon facts and the church's teaching is
based upon Aristotle's flawed understanding of human biology, anatomy,
physiology, sexuality, psychology, etc...
That civic education empowers women and teaches them to care for their
bodies while the church's teaching is seen as reflective of its many sexist
misogynist leaders.
That civic education values women's entire person while church teaching
reduces the value of women to their wombs.
That civic education meets people where they are and church teachings
"tie up heavy burdens and place them upon others."
f: How can a more open attitude
towards having children be fostered? How can an increase in births be promoted?
I think this question is based upon an incorrect assumption. People welcome children but they do so as
they feel is healthy for the marriage and individuals.
Why do you feel there should be an increase in births? What agenda are you driving?
8. The Relationship Between the Family and the
Person
a: Jesus Christ reveals the
mystery and vocation of the human person. How can the family be a privileged
place for this to happen?
I’m not sure I understand this question. Can families help people determine their
vocations? Yes, but only if they do not
erect barriers between God and the person – by decreeing what God can or cannot
call the person to do.
b: What critical situations in
the family today can obstruct a person’s encounter with Christ?
I think the biggest thing to obstruct people's encounter with Christ is
the hypocrisy of the clergy, clericalism, bishops who enable priests who rape
children, bishops who lie, bishops who bully, etc....
I think you have a very distorted notion of wherein lies the church's
problems.
c: To what extent do the many
crises of faith which people can experience affect family life?
Varies
9. Other Challenges and Proposals
What other challenges or
proposals related to the topics in the above questions do you consider urgent
and useful to treat?
The inaccurate reading of scripture to perpetuate marginalization of
women stands in the way of the church hierarchy having any credibility with
most women. The church hierarchy’s overt
efforts working with extremist political groups to reduce women’s rights are
unconscionable and will continue to be an impediment to the clergy’s credibility. Until the hierarchy can humbly consider
“maybe we were wrong” it will continue to look in all the wrong places to solve
problems. Meanwhile the church (the
people of God) will roll on with or without the hierarchy. Right now, the majority of the church rolls
on without the hierarchy.
10: If you have any further comments to make about
this consultation please do so here.
I realize we begin Advent this weekend but let us recall the words said
on Ash Wednesday, "Turn away from sin and return to the gospel."
I think the biggest issues facing the church have to do with a
long-standing history of the hierarchy turning away from the gospel in favor of
seeking secular power on certain topics.
Thus, I find myself wondering if this survey has more to do with trying
to build a database with demographics for use in political lobbying activities
than it does with the hierarchy conducting a much needed self-examination.
